Music pumps through the veins of my soul...

Music is ingrained in my DNA. Its simply something that I cannot live without. It brings me out of moods, puts me in moods and takes me places that only I have been. It teaches, enlightens and comforts...and as those closest to me know, it encourages physical expressions of all kinds, whether your "swag surfin' in the A, nodding your head to the beat or clappin on Sunday mornings, line dancing at a ho' down or what have you...



As a southern black man, I grew up in the church. Therefore, my earliest musical experiences were colorful collages of piano keys, rhythmic percussion, modified hymnals and voices that could have only been crafted by the hands of god. Gospel, they call it. But I'm not talking about this new age stuff--I'm talking quartets, mass choirs, and families of musicians. Growing up, I personally started listening to hip-hop at the age of 3 (and yes, I can remember as far back..), as it was the voice of black youth (and I'll get to that later) but, R&B has always moved me in ways that hip-hop never has. I'm not saying that one is better than the other--NOT AT ALL. But the feeling that I got from listening and watching videos of Marvin Gaye perform was different from when first I popped my first Nas cd, heard the Juice Crew, or Rakim Allah..


One of my favorite tracks..

As an Libra '85 baby, I envy those that had to privilege to see Marvin perform live...the soul and emotion that he put into his music was (and still is) amazing to me. I sometimes close my eyes while I'm listening and try to envision the kind of love or pain and emotion that inspires people to bare their soul. My personal favorite band, Earth Wind & Fire, painted pictures with their exceptional instrumentation to compliment the anointed voices of Maurice White and Phillip Bailey...it was like musical matrimony. I could only imagine what it was like as my father described to me how grand of show that they would put on at their concerts, while on my trek to Albany, NY. ...I DO remember Michael and Prince. Boy, do I...like so many 80s babies, I too was moonwalking at the age of 3 or 4. Perhaps...my love of dancing started with my intrigue of MJ. To watch him perform, was to be captivated...lost in a moment of time...awe struck...and still so up until his untimely death. To describe Prince in one word?...badass. (That might be two words, but whatever...lol). For one man to play all of the instruments in his songs? Badass. For him to push the boundaries of musical acceptance? Badass. For a 4'11 man with a deep voice to walk around in makeup and tight suits with his rear end out, still pulling chicks? (And some say dudes, too...but I ain't touchin that) Badass. You might not agree with his look, but the man's music is pure genius.

As a 13-14, 15-16 year old, its hard to explain to your male friends before a football game why you have CDs of Jodeci, Maxwell and whoever, filled with ballads and love tunes w/o them looking at you funny. Oddly enough, when I'm in the gym or in the house working out, I like to work out to soulful R&B...rap, rock...all of that other stuff doesn't do it. But, even now that we're grown, its ironic to hear a lot of my friends talk about how they've developed their own R&B catalogs.



Another one of my favs...I would bust out the live version w/ this crazy keyboard solo but y'all aint ready...


AS far as Hip-Hop/Rap?

Ahhh man, I remember vividly being 3 or 4 and watching Yo! MTV Raps every afternoon with my older cousins. The music then was so pure and UNDERSTOOD. I like to call the late 80s - early 90s the golden ages of Rap/Hip Hop. That's when it was about the people, music message and not the money. That's when dancing in videos was fun and cool...and not looked at as a southern minstrel show. That's when women were in videos CLOTHED...not to be subjected to objectivity. You ALSO had female MCs. That's something that I miss about today's hip-hop/rap. I still Fs w/ MC Lyte's music to this day. It's almost like hip-hop needs a gender-based affirmative action plan. There's so little female artists anymore, and the industry has become so mysogynistic. Whether its because of the lack of artists, or vice-versa can be debated. In addition, you had MC and DJ combinations that were perfect for each other. The DJ was still a respectable force in hip-hop and not out to exploit and/or work for self. There was positivity in the music and it wasn't considered corny. I can go on and on...


I remember when used to literally sit and wait just 4 this video to come on Yo! MTV Raps...Definitely one of my earliest fav. hip/hop tracks..

As we know, its a lot different now. You have Nas saying Hip Hop is dead...people claiming that the south killed it...the music is dumbed down...etc...to all of that I simply say with a smile, "Shut the F**k up!"

Recent years have led to an uprise in hip-hop elitism where, too often, certain individuals have developed the idea that their idea of hip-hop is the only true form. Truthfully, I understand where the sentiments comes from. There's reason for true hip-hop/rap fans to be disappointed in some of the music that's played on airwaves and television. But...There are several things that people have to understand about hip-hop now that are different from earlier years.

1. It has been commercialized. In other words, it has now become money dominated. The capitalist principles start the become the dominant ideology, it can kill the purity in anything and with a people who have been financially disadvantaged historically in the U.S., it is intensified. Why?...because commercialized rap is built around selling records, ringtones, etc. You find a formula that might not ever be the best musicially, but if you can get many people of different backgrounds to like it...then they will buy it. THUS, endless radio spins. THUS, lots of money for promo. Y'all forget that this is America and the radio industry is just that. AN INDUSTRY. Radio stations will play what gives them listeners...listeners bring them advertisements...and advertisements pay the stations. I don't like a lot of what is on the radio. Radio stations have no variety anymore. Therefore, I just don't listen to it. Plain and simple. Jay-Z said it himself, "Truthfully I wanna rap like Common Sense, but I did 5 mil...I aint been rappin like common since." EVEN Common traded his Like Water For Chocolate-revolutionary-rap in for some Universal Mind Control...(which sucked, to me lol...but thats me..)...Which brings me to #2...

2. As a whole, black people do not financially support their artists. I hate to say it. People don't wanna say, but I will. Some do. Too many, don't. Some of the most critical of my "hip-hop head" friends do not buy CDs of the artists that they LIKE. Since we know that hip/hop is an industry, and the most visible of artists are the most paid, then...why not support the best artists??? Because black people would rather bootleg CDs (more evidence of how the commercial effect is intensified with blacks), and complain. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. I told myself years ago that if I like the artist, I'll buy his/her cd and I have stayed true to my word.

3. There is no single definition of Hip Hop. Since the late 80s/early 90s hip-hop has developed all over the US in their respective areas (ATL, MIA, HOU, BAY AREA, DMV, CHI, etc.), therefore, you can expect different types of music from different areas. You don't have to like it, but it is what it is and I listen and appreciate it ALL. As a southern man, I love southern rap, because I understand what it is. That doesn't mean I rock with every southern artist, but I'm not going to patronize other people because they do. Same goes with the Bay Area, H-town, DMV, etc. I like Soulja Boy. I love ATLs club music just like I like Go-Go, Balitmore Club and my growing appreciation for Reggae. I like Young Dro just as much as I like Little Brother and Fab, Dead Prez, OutKast, etc... and I accept the many sub-genres of hip-hop for what they are and stop trying to put the music in a box that only you can fit. Some stuff I like to ride to...some stuff I like to play while I'm cleaning the crib...some stuff I listen to right before I hit the club...I'm not really on Gucci Mane like that, but I can see why he has a following and I think its cool. I don't consider Jay-Z the 'god mc' but, I can see why a lot of NYers do. And like I said previously, If you don't like it...you don't like it and that's fine. Just stop the bitchin' unless you're prepared to make change.


You can't hate on havin fun...AT ALL..lol..."Look at my ruuf!"

4. Creativity has become a lost art. I don't care if you "spit dat hot shit"...if u sound like every other rapper that spits "dat hot shit" then, you're not going to have a lot of success...you're boring. Hip-hop has never been (and will never be) just about lyrics. Sorry. Its about making music that people and feel and relate to--whether you do it with twisted wordplay or not. Why did Kanye catch on? He was different at the time. Soulja Boy? Different. Whether they will maintain their relevance is dependent on how they reinvent themselves. We've seen OutKast do it time and time again.

With all of that being said, I think that creativity in hip-hop is returning. I think that the internet is opening doors for artists to support themselves and circumvent the monster that is the music industry and independent seems to be the way of the current artist. One thing that bothers me is that I'm getting a feel that the industry is also beginning to be over-saturated with artists and "artists" to the point that music fans will be even more fickle then they currently are. I hope not. But with so many people trying to be music stars, its certainly a thought. Yet and still, good talent will always be appreciated.

***And If you haven't seen it, this is just an interview w/ Marvin Gaye and a young and relatively slim Tom Joyner that intrigued me...Marvin looks liked he just faced a blunt lol its all good tho..

"We need to be FREE people, not FREED people."

Are you free?...or are you freed?

Freed people are not free people. If you are freed, then you are such because SOMEONE ELSE freed you. You did NOT free yourself. To be a free person is to be free of the mental, physical spiritual and emotional chains that constrain you as a human entity. A lyric from Outkast off of their 1998 album, Aquemini (one of my personal favorite artists & albums) says, "Can't worry 'bout what another nigga think, that's liberation and baby I want it..."...Liberation...free from worldly evils that slow down your personal development and seek to put a cap on your soul's potential. Free from conformity.

A few days ago, I made a post about how black (and American, in general) females are subjected to attacks on their self-esteem to the point that they feel necessary to compensate with material things and false beauty. However, this is not just true with females. This is true with American PEOPLE. People spend countless amounts of money on things they they don't need. Things that don't even seem logical to want. Hundreds of thousands of jewelry? Expensive cars? For what? What purpose does it serve? There's enough wealth in the world for no person to be homeless and starving. Why would you want all of that for yourself?? In return, the people that are WITHOUT see this gluttony on television, magazines, the internet, etc...and obsess over it. People who have been deprived of a decent living for a long period of time long for things that are supposed "signs" of wealth----If someone was to forbid you of chocolate for 15 years, while you witnessed other indulge in it, you would think that chocolate is a valuable as gold, when actually its not. LEARN TO LIVE SIMPLE, PEOPLE. Lusting over material items only makes other people rich. For a person's mind to be completely fixated over..."having the best shoes"..."latest fashion"..."hottest car/rims"..."fitting an image" is giving the people who create/decides these things POWER over you. Simplifying your life goes against everything that the anglo-american society is about.

To be free is to embrace your individuality. To be free is to not conform to societal standards. I hear the uppity Negroes--the black bourgeoisie--(that gets on all 3 of my nerves--but I'll save it for my next post), who are Anglo-Americanized individuals, speak as if black people have "arrived"---whatever that means... They are prime examples of American comfort--people who've been bought out to shut up and stay content. With the resources they have, they should be teaching and leading. Whether you drive a Mercedes-Benz or a Ford Escort, an injustice anywhere is still a threat to justice everywhere and as a black man, I know that the injustices that my race (and the human race) face are far too frequent and overwhelming for me to be content. Race is an illusion meant to divide and conquer. The sooner that people realize this, the faster that people will be able to progress as a whole.

Taking it a step further, the lust for women/men, sex, approval from people (no matter what position they hold!), music, drugs, alcohol, TELEVISION and the garbage it spews...its all mental (and some physical) slavery. How about corporate/network media? Just because of who they are, that does not mean that you should not question what they report and why they report it. Know the facts and make/trust your own judgments. The bible says "put your trust in NO man." A french proverb says "mistrust is the mother of certainty." If something doesn't seem right and doesn't make since, then chances are that there's a REASON why. Free yourself from these poisons meant to keep you stationary. You should be able to navigate freely through your life without feeling obliged to unreasonable constraints.

It's hard...Lord knows its hard...I'm working on it myself, as I am not completely there. But, I will be. No excuses.

"Shake that load off, shake that load off..."

Did anybody tell you how beautiful you are?...

I'm not gonna be long with this one..



...cause I was thinking about how many of my female friends spend endless amounts of money each year on shit they don't need. Purses, shoes, bags, blouses, dresses, etc. ANYTHING. I have to ask "why" to things as such because it bothers me. Why? Because I don't understand why they feel like they need these things to validate themselves...but I'll come back to that later---

Not too long ago, A friend of mine made a statement that had me completely baffled. She basically said (in so many words) that she is after a million dollar ring...and immediately I'm thinking, "okay...she's not serious...she's just saying that..." blah blah blah...BUT...she keeps saying it. So I asked her, "Why on earth would you want that?" Besides the fact that violence usually is attached to these diamonds, a ring is just a ring...it could never measure up the love that you have for a person--especially someone you intend to marry. UNLESS, your relationship is just that shallow...then maybe the ring is worth more. Maybe its because I'm a male...she never gave me a legitimate answer. I think she gave me a "can't I just want it?" type of response, but that thang (excuse my country) bothered me. And it got me to thinking about how Americans are slaves to materialism...how people are coerced into buying things that they want/think they need. From television to magazines to music...women specifically are psychologically trained to believe that they way they look isn't good enough. For black women, it's 2x, 3x worse. They're not thin enough, light enough, hair not straight enough...just not pretty enough. As men, we don't often pay attention to this fact. Hell, half of us are so busy chasing women we don't stop to notice. But, ladies...all of those expensive clothes don't mean a damn thing. We just want you 4 you. (...well I do)


Black hair by itself is a very sensitive subject with females. Personally, I wish my black women would just go natural...HOWEVER, I'm not gonna dismiss a female cause she has a perm and I'm not gonna dismiss her if her hair is shorter than mine. To me, the process is a symbol of self-hatred and oppression. But, I find that a lot black women don't know that and see it as just "gettin a perm." They've been taught to believe that their hair in its natural state is "nappy", looks bad and straightening your hair to look like white women is more appropriate. That couldn't be more further from the truth.

Another thing? Makeup. I hate it. I think that most black men hate it. I've never met a REAL BROTHA that was infatuated with makeup on a sista--although I've heard some pussy niggas say such. Truthfully, being on a date with a female who wears a bunch of makeup feels like you're on a date with a mannequin. No really. And I must say that my favorite look is that early-morning-just-got-out-of-the-bed look...its so natural and revealing...ladies...no real man is gonna trip over make-up, hair or cause you don't have the latest Prada bag. At all.

I guess what I'm trying to say to all women, and to my fellow black women is that you're all beautiful as you are. You don't have to buy excessive amounts of clothing, put on your clown mask or spend excessive hours under a hair dryer for men to appreciate you. It's a ploy to exploit your insecurities and make you spend more money. At the same time, I understand that some of that is just being a woman...some...and I like treating my woman.

Eric Frimpong: soccer star to jail time

Shoutout to Mr. Akai for bringing this to my attention.
If you remember not too long ago Genarlow Wilson, an honor roll HS student and football recruit, was jailed for basically receiving oral sex from a white female acquaintance. Eric Frimpong is another sports recruit (soccer) who was convicted of rape by ANOTHER white female. Shocking, I know...smfh...ANYWAY...The catch is that actually was no evidence supporting her claims. She has no knowledge of being with him. His DNA wa not found in or on her. In fact, her boyfriend's DNA was found in her.
With the recent murdering of former NFL QB, Steve McNair, by his Iranian girlfriend, all I have to say to my black men is to BE CAREFUL and MINDFUL of who you are around. If you're gonna taste of that 'Forbidden Fruit' don't be surprised when reality reminds you why it is indeed forbidden. YOU READ AND MAKE YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT.

Eric Frimpong: soccer star to jail time

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...Why I have love for Michael Vick and why anyone else who feels differently can...

This is a subject that brings a lot of emotions out of me for many different reasons. None of them are happy. Personally, Michael Vick's case is about as close to me as Sean Taylor's death was when it occurred. Both were black athletes who were in the prime of their careers when tragedy struck. Fortunately for Vick, he has a second chance. Taylor's life was taken away by underaged teens looking to rob his home under the assumption that he wasn't there. When they approached his bedroom door, he opened it simultaneously and a panic shot was let off that hit a major artery in his leg. He died a day later. With that said, both of these cases were very preventable and should NOT have occurred.

I remember precisely when Vick first made his mark in the sports world. As a redshirt freshman quarterback, Vick brought a relatively obscure Virginia Tech (VT) football team to national prominence with an athletic ability that NO ONE has ever seen (and still haven't) at the quarterback position. He took his VT team to their first national championship game as a freshman and I remember the game like it was yesterday.

Vick, who is from Newport News (known as "Bad News" around the way), is a native of Hampton Roads. Hampton Roads is about 45 mins away from where I'm from. I have family from all over the Hampton Roads area of southeastern Virginia so its very familiar. Newport News is hood. There's no way else to describe it. If you're not from there, then its not a place you would like to visit. Being located in northeastern North Carolina, our news coverage area tied in with Hampton Roads. Therefore, it was nothing to turn the television to the 6 o'clock news and hear about the various robberies, shootings, stabbings, etc. coming out of Norfolk, Portsmouth and Newport News. His cousin is Aaron Brooks who played for the University of Virginia and was a starting QB in the NFL. NBA star Allen Iverson is also from Newport News. Alonzo Mourning is from Chesapeake in Hampton Roads...Bruce Smith...you get the idea.
THEREFORE, to see him come up from nothing in Hampton Roads and be on TV in the NCAA Football National Championship against a powerhouse in Florida State was something to root for. Of course, Florida State was heavily favored and won the game, but Vick sent a message to the college football world when he single-handedly lead his team to a one-point advantage at the end of the third quarter against one of the most notorious and best defenses in college football. He stayed just another year.

Then came the NFL...the number one pick, the 100 million dollar contract, the huge Nike endorsement, the NFL Madden cover...at one point, Vick WAS the face of the NFL. A black QB was the face of the NFL. Go f***** figure.

The knock on Vick (of course) was that...

...he was inaccurate. Which was very true at times.
...he was too short. He isn't as tall as the prototypical NFL QB.
...he was too athletic and should play another position. Once again, QBs aren't usually the best athletes on the field.

1. I'm not denying Vick's accuracy was something he needed to work on. At all. But, if you're gonna be particular, let's talk about his lack of talent. In six years, the falcons didn't provide Vick with ONE Decent receiver. His best wide receiver was freakin' Alge Crumpler. Alge Crumpler is a tight end (and a repeat Pro Bowler while Vick was there). I repeatedly saw Vick's receivers drop pass after pass after pass, but that mostly goes unmentioned. Donovan McNabb is JUST getting decent WR talent and he's been kissing Andy Reid's behind for YEARS (but, that's another blog in itself). His running back was Warrick Dunn. I'm not knockin Dunn, but we know he's nothing more than a scatback. Vick was the QB and the premier RB in the backfield behind a weak offensive line. Kiss my a**.

2. Too short? Doug Flutie was 5'9 and Drew Brees is the same height as Vick. Brees led the league in passing yards last year. Height isn't a problem. Kiss my a**.

3....This angers me more than anything. Why? Because the black quarterback has always been in the crosshairs of coaches. Yes, crosshairs as in a gun. Killed off. The perception is that black quarterbacks are too dumb to be quarterback. Hmmmmmm...okay. Black players are too athletic and that athletic skill set should be put to use in other areas of the field. Hmmmmm...okay. It sounds like, to me, that the quarterback position is restricted to mostly white males. I say this because, if you look across the country you'll see converted black quarterbacks. Where? Look at Anquan Boldin, a Pro Bowl WR who came to Florida State and changed positions. Look at Hines Ward, another Pro Bowl WR who played college QB at Georgia. Look at Antwaan Randle-El, a WR from Washington, that was a 5'10 quarterback at the University at Indiana. That's just a few. If you look in college, the number converted black QBs probably doubles (at least). I'm not saying that some of them shouldn't have changed positions. As you can see, it has worked out. But, why do black quarterbacks have to be amazing to remain a QB and whites have to prove that they suck before they're yanked? In addition, a lot of black quarterbacks are perceived as "too dumb" to play QB in the NFL. At the NFL combine, the wonderlic test is looked at as a gauge for intelligence. How about Dan Marino, Jim Kelly and Terry Bradshaw, two of the NFL's Hall of Fame quarterbacks, scored a 15. A freakin 15. Vince Young scored a 16. Hell, Donovan McNabb scored a 14 and Alex Smith, a former #1 overall draft pick of the 49ers in 2005, scored a 40. McNabb is a 5-time pro bowler and Smith is a backup. Kiss my a**.

Then came the dogfighting incident.

First of all, I don't condone dogfighting. At all. I'm totally against any animal brutality. I don't hunt. I don't agree with hunting, either. I don't even like when people kills bugs or small animals just because they're there. But, you're telling me...I can kill a person--a human being--and get less (or no) time than killing dogs. Are you kidding me? I just witnessed Donte' Stallworth get a few days in jail for running over a person in the influence of alcohol. Years before that, Leonard Little of the Rams did the exact same thing. No jail time. The privilege of athletes and celebrities angers many everyday people and for good reason. If you are a certain color, you better believe that the anger is doubled.

What about the hypocrisy of hunting and horse racing?! Both, that involve the slaughtering of animals??

..and don't give me that, "its legal" bulls**t. If hunting was a majority-black pastime, do you really think it would be legal? A bunch of black people with shotguns? Really? People have talked about the brutality of horse racing for years...there have been TV specials on it...yet, its fine because of how much money it makes and who makes it. Kiss my a**.

The really screwed up part of all of this is that Vick was a starting QB in the NFL. He had a plethora of endorsements, engagements, etc. He lived in Atlanta. He gave his cousins a house and they ran the operation out of a "kennel" in Virginia. There is no way that he was the ringleader and controlled the operation. I believe he fought dogs and probably killed a few, but not to the extent of the people that were there everyday. He had no time to do that. Yet, when his "family" saw that opportunity to get off relatively scratch-free they blamed everything on him. Some family. Since Vick owned the house and financed most of everything (they had no money), he took the fall. THAT'S why this is a tragedy to me. This could have been avoided. Blacks athletes have to remember what they are, regardless of their status. There will always be people looking to bring you down and YOU WILL FALL if they come after you. It seems like we have forgotten that.

What continues to amaze me is how many rooted and still are rooting for this man to fail. Not just because he is a black athlete, but because he's Michael Vick--the anti-protypical NFL QB in every aspect of the phrase (athletic, shorter, black, black-cultured, with speed that forced defenses to plan their entire game around him and he had a lot of money lol) that BEAT THE PRECIOUS LORD BRETT FAVRE-WHO-DOES-NO-WRONG AT LAMBEAU FIELD IN THE PLAYOFFS. The ONLY loss that the storied, beloved Green Bay Packers have ever received on their home field in the playoffs. You don't think that made him a lot of enemies? He lost all of his endorsement, his money, most of his possessions and did jail time. Over dogs. I'm just saying.

So I root for him with everything I got. Everything.

...Against those naysayers that say that he has to come back as a WR, RB or Wildcat QB...but, wait isn't a run-first scheme supposed to fail? Why are more teams using the wildcat? Kiss my a**. Yet, he has more playoff wins than Tony Nono-err--Romo. Once again, Kiss my a**.

...Against PETA. F*ck PETA. Hypocrites. Police and whites used to sick dogs on blacks during the civil rights movement. Kiss my black a**.

...against those people who rejoice at seeing another black man fail. Especially, other blacks.

Go Mike, go. Make your comeback and do it your way. Don't let these MF'ers break you and strip you of your blackness and what makes you, you. Kobe did it. (But, Kobe was more "white-friendly" and fake as hell to begin with. LOL)

I Just Don't Understand...

I understand some of the things about men and women. I understand some of the things about men and women within a given context or situation. I even understand some of the things about men and women based on the simple fact that they are men and women. BUT...some things I just don't get. With that said...


1. Why do a lot (not all) of the nice, decent, level-headed females (or if you're a female, men) gotta be unattractive?

Why do I have feel shallow 'cause you're ugly? People tell me I'm a cool, nice person, too, but damn...I keep myself in shape and looking decent (as much as I can), I try to dress nice when necessary...What? I'm supposed to ignore that THAT person is unattractive? Nah...F that...people try that, wake up and roll over to a person they don't find attractive and file for divorce. I'm not sayin Halle Berry, Beyonce attractive. Hell...I'm not sayin 2nd-hottest-girl-in-the-party attractive. That's God given...you can't hold people accountable for that. I'm just saying...stay in shape and keep yourself up. If it's gonna be either unattractive and level headed or attractive and dumb/uninteresting/stuck up, I might as well go ahead a jump off a got damned bridge. I don't understand.

2. Why do people try to get with a person, then later on try that person's friend?

This aint Tip Drill dammit! That. mess is disgusting. I don't know about y'all, but me and my friends don't pass around females (Unless one of them are holding out information...hmmm...). I would never be involved with a female that my friend dated, was with or had sex with. If they were just talkin and nothin happened...or it didn't have a chance...maybe. Maybe. But, I can't be sittin at a cookout with my homeboy and my lady, thinking..."I wonder if she gave him head like she gave me...did she use the ice? I bet he got the ice.." For all I know, she might've gave him head while I went to get more ice (ppl ain't never got enough ice at a cookout). Dudes...ladies...that ain't cool and I don't understand.

3. Creepin. I never understood it.

If you gotta hide who you're messing with...9 times out of 10, you shouldn't be doin it. If you've been with enough females/dudes whereas you have to hide who you're messing with, you might be a ho...and at that point, people already know you're a ho. Stop creepin like a ninja. Be a proud ho. Word will get around anyway and ppl talk. I don't go around kissing and telling, but I'm a grown ass man and I accept anything I've done. I refuse to be creepin around like I got somethin to hide.

4. Modeling is not a skill. Stop it.

I know there's a recession. I know. But, I'm saying...the other day, I asked this one lady, "What do you do best?" And she replied "I model." Now, if walking up and down a catwalk is the BEST thing you do, you ain't doin ____. Everyone is rapping nowdays, too. BUT...At least, rapping and making beats are skills. It takes time to become good at those things. Everybody, might be doing it, but everybody can't do it well. With modeling, either you have it or you don't. Its not a skill. And don't tell me that the walking is a skill. My three-year-old little cousin can emulate that mess.

And lastly...

5. Cheating.

If you feel like you need to go outside your relationship for satisfaction, then end it. Plain and simple. Too much pain results from selfishness and immaturity and then next person that comes along usually has to deal with a lot of trouble that he/she didn't cause. I don't understand.



...Then again, maybe I'm not supposed to understand any of this. I don't know.

What a year of celibacy has taught me..

So...A year ago, I came to the conclusion that I should become celibate.
Yes, bitches. I said celibate.
For how long?....ehhh.. I'm not going to say. I could say until marriage...I could say for X amount of years...but you never know what may happen. In all actuality, I could wake up tomorrow, roll over and have a Andre 3K-What-a-helluva-way-to-gotdamn-wake-up-ooh-that-shit-was-good moment LOL. But seriously, whatever the case, being celibate has put me in a new frame of mind that won't allow me
to engage in the activity, unless it means something.

I decided on celibacy for a few reasons such as safety (A-I-D-S), responsibility (K-I-D-S), etc... BUT, I went that direction, mainly for personal reasons. I felt that I needed to abstain for a while to free myself of that energy and I felt like I was involved in meaningless experiences with other females BECAUSE sex played too important of a role. Therefore, that extra clarity (from abstaining) would help me see things in a better light. In other words, I won't be clouded with sexual desires. To be honest, I've never had problems separating love and lust. However, I sometimes didn't try to. Lol. Yet and still, sex has never been a threat to my self control. Most females that I've encountered, expect me to be sexually driven (or controlled) and think that because I don't immediately try to have sex with them, that I don't like them. COMPLETELY FALSE. I probably do want to "smash" (and will), but...I think that's rude...seriously.
Not only that, but I'm much more interest in what's in your head and heart. What's between your legs is pretty a dime a dozen. A pretty face is just something pleasant to look at. Both are terrible indicators in determining how good a person is.
I thought you we're supposed to get to know each other, and then take it there...if it should indeed go there. Apparently, today its 'fuck now, ask questions later'...but I digress and that's an entirely different blog.

To no surprise, since then my dating life has been stagnant. I've been on a total of two dates lol and I don't even try to approach females, anymore. Not because I'm having fun living single, but I admit to being jaded by my previous experiences which has me thinking that its probably not gonna work out like the other females.
BUT...if celibacy has taught me anything, its 1). That overall (I'm not saying this applies to everyone), my people have no idea what love is and little understanding of relationships of the opposite sex...and 2). It has made me refrain from sex unless I'm emotionally into it or really into the person I'm engaging in sex with. Personally, I feel that sex is giving as much or more than it is receiving. The connection that two people have can make it a special experience. If not, its just busting a nut...and that's cool and all but, that's not enough for me. I'm not trying to f*** every girl in the world. That's some juvenile stuff.

Love is not something that I admittedly know much about. I've never been IN love and I've only had love for one other female. She SHOULD know who she is, but she probably doesn't. With that said, I've had plenty of examples of what love ISN'T and I've seen great relationships so I've held on to the few positive examples that I have seen and that has strengthened my will to find the real thing and hold on to it.

A friend of mine told me that you can't possibly give everything to another person because you'll have nothing left. I, however, can't do it any other way. Anybody that knows me knows that if I can't put my all into what I do, its worthless and I won't do it. The same applies to relationships. I want to be able to share every aspect of my life, thoughts and ambitions with my significant other. If I can't go "all out" then its not worth it, to me.

I honestly think that if a lot of people would have the self control to stop having sex so wrecklessly, then they would benefit from it long term. But society doesn't necessarily encourage that.

The Quarter-Life Crisis (...if that is indeed what it is...) and the Summer of 09

Recently, me and a good friend of mine were having one of our 'never-ending' conversations--I call them such because they really don't end...we just pick up from where we left off whenever the subject comes up again. ANYWAY, we were taking turns rambling about whatever was going on in our lives, and she mentioned the Quarter-Life Crisis theory along with Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development (which is interesting) but I'm not gonna get into that. For those who might not know..

The quarterlife crisis is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the early twenties to the early thirties.

Since then, I've had a couple of other friends to say that they were going through this very issue. But when I researched the topic, I analyzed the supposed definition and criteria that is supposed to be the make-up of the "crisis." It didn't fit me. Well a couple of descriptions did, but...I'm not stressed about finding a job...or confused about who, what, where I am...I'm not insecure about my goals...and I definitely do not have any interest in reliving my college years. At all.

So...I kept thinking like I always do...and to continue from the previous paragraph, college was fun. Undergrad was a ball. But undergrad was undergrad and the some things were left there. I didn't wake up on a certain day to convince myself that I can't do those things, instead, it was quite the opposite. Very often, I hear from other people that I'm relatively young (23, turning 24 in August) and that I should enjoy my youth. But nature isn't on anyone's time and I can't help that my habits have turned me into a 50 old man...Whereas in the past, I would spend my weekends on road trips, at parties, at clubs, under the influence, stretching my social imagination as far as it would go...I now would rather be home, with family or friends..or a significant other...or simply, by myself...finding my peace of mind and residing there for the night. It's some kind of feelin' when you're...

...staring at a eight dollar cup of whatever, look up, pour your drink out, walk to your car and drive home with the volume on zero...asking yourself the same question..."Why did I waste my time?"

...having sex and thinking..."This ain't fun...I wish she would hurry up...Oh the game is coming on, soon." No emotional connection whatsoever.

...wonder how people can play video games like they do; as if you didn't used to be in front a PlayStation for hours at at time.

...get a new phone # and never think about dialing it. For what?

...thinking that shaving is optional, because you could care less about how attractive people think you are. However, just a couple years ago, you swore that you were the "freshest nigga in the country," rockin shades at night when you know you have bad eyesight...and I'm not a "nigga"

***I could keep going, but you should get my point.

I spend a lot of my nights reflecting, analyzing and meditating on life...of life. Sometimes, I do feel like I'm running in place, but I have to remind myself of what patience brings. Thus, my personal Quarter-Life Crisis..

I feel like I'm a old man trapped in a young man's body. My mentality doesn't match with most people my age, so balancing a social life with others my age can be challenging. My level of fun is often gauged more by intellectual stimulation and great conversation. My interests have become more practical. My passions have become more practical. My intellectual appitite is still great--yet, my complex perspectives and evolved and in some cases, simplified.

Mentally, I'm a point where I'm ready for marriage. Things such as children, my career goals and where I eventually wanna settle at dominate my daydreams. I can't say that for most people my age. Typically, a lot of people would say that they're in their respective, youthful, prime. In my mind, I'm far from my prime--well not far, but I'm not exactly on the brink of discovery, either...I wish that I have what I'm prepared for, but history has taught me that patience will give me and understanding and appreciation that many do not have. The question, now, is..for what?

As I look outside and think about this upcoming summer, I realize that my approach to the summer has changed. Before, summer represented a period that was stress-free, fun and full of good weather. Recently, I've taken my summers as time to work on personal things about myself that, if corrected, will make me a better person...things such as exercise/health, reading more, working on bettering my academic experience, spirituality, and planning...something that never ends. Education is something that's been on my mind and I'm very interested in teaching after my degree is done and before I pursue another. I almost feel that all students should dedicate some years in life to teaching and preparing for tomorrow..but that's another blog. I'm planning big things for my department this year and I'm looking at amateur boxing as a hobby. Mental, physical and spiritual health and growth is my focus for the summer.

So, in reflection, my crisis isn't really a crisis at all. It's called maturation.

The Quintessential Introductory Blog

As my first blog entry, I'll give a little background light. This is probably why it has taken me three weeks to post this, but hey...I've settled on this small introduction to the man behind the keyboard and my first official post afterwards...

*****

Recently, I remember reading about one of my favorite comedians, the late Bernie Mac. In the particular article, the author noted that he used to say,"I walk alone."It's a simple phrase--nothing too philosophical at all. I walk alone. Now, many people might take that as an admission to being a loner...or an elitist or arrogant statement. But, personally, the words struck a chord in a different tune. It meant that he was an individual. A true individual. As a black man, one of the hardest things to do is to be an individual---especially in a world in which the "powers-that-be" prefers to keep everyone mentally and socially sedated in a society that discourages deviating from the collective norms. I personally don't think individuality has anything to do with appearance--Piercings, tattoos, eccentric (compared to society) styles, etc. none of that means anything. Physical appearance is meaningless in reference to a person's character and personality, yet, people are swift use such to form judgment on another. I liken appearance more to art than anything else (But that's another post) .Growing up, I never had role models. I never wanted to be like anyone. I wanted to be myself and remain true to who I am. Fortunately, I learned that at a young age and If a person ever has trouble understanding anything about me, understand that I'm an individual.