Not intentionally, yet, not on accident.
Yet and still, I make my return to blogging with divorce papers.
Things have always been uncertain and will continue to be as long as there is time. That's where faith comes into play. However, there's a fine line between faith and delusion...sanity/insanity...and apparently, reality/fantasy.
We live in an age where many who follow the biblical scripture believe that the second coming of Christ is near. Some people do not and that all of which is a hoax. Others, believe that 2012 could be the end of the world as hypothesized by the Mayans. We have proof of nothing. Again, faith/delusion...sanity/insanity...reality/fantasy. Pick one.
With that said, what we cannot ignore is what in front of our faces. Rather, EYE cannot ignore what is front of our faces. For most (if not all) of my life, I've been a huge supporter of human rights, civil rights, decency, order, fairness, etc...just the overall the well being of the human spirit. To go deeper, I just happened to be placed into this world in a small town in southeastern United States as a black male. I identify with my people. No shame, no shade. Don't mistake my association for discrimination. I belong to a group that too few want to be of, and too many want to perish--even those of my own kind. Nevertheless, I support ALL in the name of good and prosperity.
Still, I am human. I come from pain. Much pain. Pain that has stayed within me for many years and pain that will live within me for many years to come. However, my heart is pure. It always (well not always, but usually) overrides the reaction I want to have...and when I don't follow my heart, it enforces inflicts punishment on my spirit. Maybe, my heart is not mine. But, whoever this heart belongs to, that spirit...it made me feel and feel deeply...more deeply than I ever felt about myself. My significant other often chides me because I say that I really don't think highly of myself. It's not that I don't want to, but I can't. It's not IN me to do so. Often, I love people more than myself. I do NOT love things.
This is why I'm looked at crazy (there goes that word again) when I decided to drop plans of being some book-writing, finger-shaking, hollow-word speaking, professor and decide to teach the youth. The youth are the future. The future is now. Based on what I'm seeing among blacks, ALONE...the youth need GUIDANCE. They need LOVE. They need someone to believe that they are as great as they can possibly imagine. Yet, when I look at today's youth, I do not see those facts being echoed throughout our community. All I see is self-destruction on every block, every TV, every Facebook post, every rap song, ever Twitter Trending Topic (#bitchesaintshit, #niggasaintshit), every radio station...everywhere. And...nobody seems to care. Everybody just wants to get rich fast, live in excess, be materialistic and outrageous as humanly possible---TOO OFTEN in the name of money and greed.
It's like I'm constantly taking body shots.
...and I GREW UP on hip-hop. But how can I listen to the music that I loved with my woman and promote Lil Wayne's new single 6'7 when one of the first things I hear is... "two bitches at the same time, synchronized swimmers/got the girl twisted cause she open when you twist her/never met the bitch but I fucked her like I missed her"...how can I look at her after that? Does he go home to his daughters and say "Hey bitches, daddy is home!"?? It's plain disgusting. To clarify, I wasn't always aware to even have this mindset. I did listen to and like the music that I now find disgusting. But, woman brought to my attention my lack of attention to that detail and evolution happens. My job isn't to act holier than thou. I'm just like you. But when we see something wrong we must fix it. Black women are the foundation of the black existence. I am forever in debt to them because of their work towards my ability to exist. We cannot continue to aid in their dehumanization. Period. These bitches, hoes and sluts that you claim are of less value than the American dollar are our sisters, aunts, grandmothers, friends, mothers. As black men, it is our DUTY to defend their honor with our lives.
These facts remain: Our leaders are no longer here. We must lead. We must become what we seek to see exist. We don't need a leader. We need leaders. We need a foundation to build upon. We need to rise above the obstacles in front of us, without abandoning who we are as a people. A leader can die. Leaders can pass on. But, foundations stand even when the building collapses. Our current situation exists because we have no foundation. Integration has taught blacks to abandon their own in favor of others. You cannot build a house upon the foundation of another, for it will NEVER be of your own. You'll only be renting. No matter how much you put into that house, you're not the owner and you're on borrowed time and land. We have to become owners and I mean that in more than one way.
So I sit here like a tired woman who's be constantly abused and used...wavering between my love of self and the love of my life...and like many of those women, I love my lover more than I could possibly love myself. I just can't walk away. I'm ready to fight...fight for our love.
