I'm not gonna be long with this one..
...cause I was thinking about how many of my female friends spend endless amounts of money each year on shit they don't need. Purses, shoes, bags, blouses, dresses, etc. ANYTHING. I have to ask "why" to things as such because it bothers me. Why? Because I don't understand why they feel like they need these things to validate themselves...but I'll come back to that later---
Not too long ago, A friend of mine made a statement that had me completely baffled. She basically said (in so many words) that she is after a million dollar ring...and immediately I'm thinking, "okay...she's not serious...she's just saying that..." blah blah blah...BUT...she keeps saying it. So I asked her, "Why on earth would you want that?" Besides the fact that violence usually is attached to these diamonds, a ring is just a ring...it could never measure up the love that you have for a person--especially someone you intend to marry. UNLESS, your relationship is just that shallow...then maybe the ring is worth more. Maybe its because I'm a male...she never gave me a legitimate answer. I think she gave me a "can't I just want it?" type of response, but that thang (excuse my country) bothered me. And it got me to thinking about how Americans are slaves to materialism...how people are coerced into buying things that they want/think they need. From television to magazines to music...women specifically are psychologically trained to believe that they way they look isn't good enough. For black women, it's 2x, 3x worse. They're not thin enough, light enough, hair not straight enough...just not pretty enough. As men, we don't often pay attention to this fact. Hell, half of us are so busy chasing women we don't stop to notice. But, ladies...all of those expensive clothes don't mean a damn thing. We just want you 4 you. (...well I do)
Black hair by itself is a very sensitive subject with females. Personally, I wish my black women would just go natural...HOWEVER, I'm not gonna dismiss a female cause she has a perm and I'm not gonna dismiss her if her hair is shorter than mine. To me, the process is a symbol of self-hatred and oppression. But, I find that a lot black women don't know that and see it as just "gettin a perm." They've been taught to believe that their hair in its natural state is "nappy", looks bad and straightening your hair to look like white women is more appropriate. That couldn't be more further from the truth.
Another thing? Makeup. I hate it. I think that most black men hate it. I've never met a REAL BROTHA that was infatuated with makeup on a sista--although I've heard some pussy niggas say such. Truthfully, being on a date with a female who wears a bunch of makeup feels like you're on a date with a mannequin. No really. And I must say that my favorite look is that early-morning-just-got-out-of-the-bed look...its so natural and revealing...ladies...no real man is gonna trip over make-up, hair or cause you don't have the latest Prada bag. At all.
I guess what I'm trying to say to all women, and to my fellow black women is that you're all beautiful as you are. You don't have to buy excessive amounts of clothing, put on your clown mask or spend excessive hours under a hair dryer for men to appreciate you. It's a ploy to exploit your insecurities and make you spend more money. At the same time, I understand that some of that is just being a woman...some...and I like treating my woman.
4 comments:
...and for this, I thank you!
At least for the sample of middle schoolers from the study ""African American girls did not have lower self-esteem levels than their male same-ethnicity peers" (Adams, S.K., Kuhn, J., and Rhodes, J. (2006). Self-Esteem Changes in the Middle School Years: A Study of Ethnic and Gender Groups. Research in Middle Level Education, 29).
Also, in Christina Hoff Sommers' book Who Stole Feminism, she points out that the (in)famous AAUW study found that black girls had higher self-esteem than white girls (American Association of University Women. (1992). The AAUW Report: How schools shortchange girls. A study of major findings on girls and education. Washington, D.C: AAUW Educational Foundation).
I missed this one...good stuff cupcake...-err cubscout...poptart? Heh...yeah...good stuff sir =o)
-j
Great post. A lot of these feelings start from childhood and progress until adulthood. For some women it comes from not having a father tell you that you are beautiful or trying to meet expectations of "friends." In the past I've struggled with this. A man would tell me I'm beautiful and I wanted to know "why" and wondered what was so special about me. It does take time and you have to be willing to take the steps to free yourself, love yourself and just be YOU.
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