What a year of celibacy has taught me..

So...A year ago, I came to the conclusion that I should become celibate.
Yes, bitches. I said celibate.
For how long?....ehhh.. I'm not going to say. I could say until marriage...I could say for X amount of years...but you never know what may happen. In all actuality, I could wake up tomorrow, roll over and have a Andre 3K-What-a-helluva-way-to-gotdamn-wake-up-ooh-that-shit-was-good moment LOL. But seriously, whatever the case, being celibate has put me in a new frame of mind that won't allow me
to engage in the activity, unless it means something.

I decided on celibacy for a few reasons such as safety (A-I-D-S), responsibility (K-I-D-S), etc... BUT, I went that direction, mainly for personal reasons. I felt that I needed to abstain for a while to free myself of that energy and I felt like I was involved in meaningless experiences with other females BECAUSE sex played too important of a role. Therefore, that extra clarity (from abstaining) would help me see things in a better light. In other words, I won't be clouded with sexual desires. To be honest, I've never had problems separating love and lust. However, I sometimes didn't try to. Lol. Yet and still, sex has never been a threat to my self control. Most females that I've encountered, expect me to be sexually driven (or controlled) and think that because I don't immediately try to have sex with them, that I don't like them. COMPLETELY FALSE. I probably do want to "smash" (and will), but...I think that's rude...seriously.
Not only that, but I'm much more interest in what's in your head and heart. What's between your legs is pretty a dime a dozen. A pretty face is just something pleasant to look at. Both are terrible indicators in determining how good a person is.
I thought you we're supposed to get to know each other, and then take it there...if it should indeed go there. Apparently, today its 'fuck now, ask questions later'...but I digress and that's an entirely different blog.

To no surprise, since then my dating life has been stagnant. I've been on a total of two dates lol and I don't even try to approach females, anymore. Not because I'm having fun living single, but I admit to being jaded by my previous experiences which has me thinking that its probably not gonna work out like the other females.
BUT...if celibacy has taught me anything, its 1). That overall (I'm not saying this applies to everyone), my people have no idea what love is and little understanding of relationships of the opposite sex...and 2). It has made me refrain from sex unless I'm emotionally into it or really into the person I'm engaging in sex with. Personally, I feel that sex is giving as much or more than it is receiving. The connection that two people have can make it a special experience. If not, its just busting a nut...and that's cool and all but, that's not enough for me. I'm not trying to f*** every girl in the world. That's some juvenile stuff.

Love is not something that I admittedly know much about. I've never been IN love and I've only had love for one other female. She SHOULD know who she is, but she probably doesn't. With that said, I've had plenty of examples of what love ISN'T and I've seen great relationships so I've held on to the few positive examples that I have seen and that has strengthened my will to find the real thing and hold on to it.

A friend of mine told me that you can't possibly give everything to another person because you'll have nothing left. I, however, can't do it any other way. Anybody that knows me knows that if I can't put my all into what I do, its worthless and I won't do it. The same applies to relationships. I want to be able to share every aspect of my life, thoughts and ambitions with my significant other. If I can't go "all out" then its not worth it, to me.

I honestly think that if a lot of people would have the self control to stop having sex so wrecklessly, then they would benefit from it long term. But society doesn't necessarily encourage that.