The Quarter-Life Crisis (...if that is indeed what it is...) and the Summer of 09

Recently, me and a good friend of mine were having one of our 'never-ending' conversations--I call them such because they really don't end...we just pick up from where we left off whenever the subject comes up again. ANYWAY, we were taking turns rambling about whatever was going on in our lives, and she mentioned the Quarter-Life Crisis theory along with Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development (which is interesting) but I'm not gonna get into that. For those who might not know..

The quarterlife crisis is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the early twenties to the early thirties.

Since then, I've had a couple of other friends to say that they were going through this very issue. But when I researched the topic, I analyzed the supposed definition and criteria that is supposed to be the make-up of the "crisis." It didn't fit me. Well a couple of descriptions did, but...I'm not stressed about finding a job...or confused about who, what, where I am...I'm not insecure about my goals...and I definitely do not have any interest in reliving my college years. At all.

So...I kept thinking like I always do...and to continue from the previous paragraph, college was fun. Undergrad was a ball. But undergrad was undergrad and the some things were left there. I didn't wake up on a certain day to convince myself that I can't do those things, instead, it was quite the opposite. Very often, I hear from other people that I'm relatively young (23, turning 24 in August) and that I should enjoy my youth. But nature isn't on anyone's time and I can't help that my habits have turned me into a 50 old man...Whereas in the past, I would spend my weekends on road trips, at parties, at clubs, under the influence, stretching my social imagination as far as it would go...I now would rather be home, with family or friends..or a significant other...or simply, by myself...finding my peace of mind and residing there for the night. It's some kind of feelin' when you're...

...staring at a eight dollar cup of whatever, look up, pour your drink out, walk to your car and drive home with the volume on zero...asking yourself the same question..."Why did I waste my time?"

...having sex and thinking..."This ain't fun...I wish she would hurry up...Oh the game is coming on, soon." No emotional connection whatsoever.

...wonder how people can play video games like they do; as if you didn't used to be in front a PlayStation for hours at at time.

...get a new phone # and never think about dialing it. For what?

...thinking that shaving is optional, because you could care less about how attractive people think you are. However, just a couple years ago, you swore that you were the "freshest nigga in the country," rockin shades at night when you know you have bad eyesight...and I'm not a "nigga"

***I could keep going, but you should get my point.

I spend a lot of my nights reflecting, analyzing and meditating on life...of life. Sometimes, I do feel like I'm running in place, but I have to remind myself of what patience brings. Thus, my personal Quarter-Life Crisis..

I feel like I'm a old man trapped in a young man's body. My mentality doesn't match with most people my age, so balancing a social life with others my age can be challenging. My level of fun is often gauged more by intellectual stimulation and great conversation. My interests have become more practical. My passions have become more practical. My intellectual appitite is still great--yet, my complex perspectives and evolved and in some cases, simplified.

Mentally, I'm a point where I'm ready for marriage. Things such as children, my career goals and where I eventually wanna settle at dominate my daydreams. I can't say that for most people my age. Typically, a lot of people would say that they're in their respective, youthful, prime. In my mind, I'm far from my prime--well not far, but I'm not exactly on the brink of discovery, either...I wish that I have what I'm prepared for, but history has taught me that patience will give me and understanding and appreciation that many do not have. The question, now, is..for what?

As I look outside and think about this upcoming summer, I realize that my approach to the summer has changed. Before, summer represented a period that was stress-free, fun and full of good weather. Recently, I've taken my summers as time to work on personal things about myself that, if corrected, will make me a better person...things such as exercise/health, reading more, working on bettering my academic experience, spirituality, and planning...something that never ends. Education is something that's been on my mind and I'm very interested in teaching after my degree is done and before I pursue another. I almost feel that all students should dedicate some years in life to teaching and preparing for tomorrow..but that's another blog. I'm planning big things for my department this year and I'm looking at amateur boxing as a hobby. Mental, physical and spiritual health and growth is my focus for the summer.

So, in reflection, my crisis isn't really a crisis at all. It's called maturation.