I understand some of the things about men and women. I understand some of the things about men and women within a given context or situation. I even understand some of the things about men and women based on the simple fact that they are men and women. BUT...some things I just don't get. With that said...
1. Why do a lot (not all) of the nice, decent, level-headed females (or if you're a female, men) gotta be unattractive?
Why do I have feel shallow 'cause you're ugly? People tell me I'm a cool, nice person, too, but damn...I keep myself in shape and looking decent (as much as I can), I try to dress nice when necessary...What? I'm supposed to ignore that THAT person is unattractive? Nah...F that...people try that, wake up and roll over to a person they don't find attractive and file for divorce. I'm not sayin Halle Berry, Beyonce attractive. Hell...I'm not sayin 2nd-hottest-girl-in-the-party attractive. That's God given...you can't hold people accountable for that. I'm just saying...stay in shape and keep yourself up. If it's gonna be either unattractive and level headed or attractive and dumb/uninteresting/stuck up, I might as well go ahead a jump off a got damned bridge. I don't understand.
2. Why do people try to get with a person, then later on try that person's friend?
This aint Tip Drill dammit! That. mess is disgusting. I don't know about y'all, but me and my friends don't pass around females (Unless one of them are holding out information...hmmm...). I would never be involved with a female that my friend dated, was with or had sex with. If they were just talkin and nothin happened...or it didn't have a chance...maybe. Maybe. But, I can't be sittin at a cookout with my homeboy and my lady, thinking..."I wonder if she gave him head like she gave me...did she use the ice? I bet he got the ice.." For all I know, she might've gave him head while I went to get more ice (ppl ain't never got enough ice at a cookout). Dudes...ladies...that ain't cool and I don't understand.
3. Creepin. I never understood it.
If you gotta hide who you're messing with...9 times out of 10, you shouldn't be doin it. If you've been with enough females/dudes whereas you have to hide who you're messing with, you might be a ho...and at that point, people already know you're a ho. Stop creepin like a ninja. Be a proud ho. Word will get around anyway and ppl talk. I don't go around kissing and telling, but I'm a grown ass man and I accept anything I've done. I refuse to be creepin around like I got somethin to hide.
4. Modeling is not a skill. Stop it.
I know there's a recession. I know. But, I'm saying...the other day, I asked this one lady, "What do you do best?" And she replied "I model." Now, if walking up and down a catwalk is the BEST thing you do, you ain't doin ____. Everyone is rapping nowdays, too. BUT...At least, rapping and making beats are skills. It takes time to become good at those things. Everybody, might be doing it, but everybody can't do it well. With modeling, either you have it or you don't. Its not a skill. And don't tell me that the walking is a skill. My three-year-old little cousin can emulate that mess.
And lastly...
5. Cheating.
If you feel like you need to go outside your relationship for satisfaction, then end it. Plain and simple. Too much pain results from selfishness and immaturity and then next person that comes along usually has to deal with a lot of trouble that he/she didn't cause. I don't understand.
...Then again, maybe I'm not supposed to understand any of this. I don't know.
What a year of celibacy has taught me..
So...A year ago, I came to the conclusion that I should become celibate.
Yes, bitches. I said celibate.
For how long?....ehhh.. I'm not going to say. I could say until marriage...I could say for X amount of years...but you never know what may happen. In all actuality, I could wake up tomorrow, roll over and have a Andre 3K-What-a-helluva-way-to-gotdamn-wake-up-ooh-that-shit-was-good moment LOL. But seriously, whatever the case, being celibate has put me in a new frame of mind that won't allow me
to engage in the activity, unless it means something.
I decided on celibacy for a few reasons such as safety (A-I-D-S), responsibility (K-I-D-S), etc... BUT, I went that direction, mainly for personal reasons. I felt that I needed to abstain for a while to free myself of that energy and I felt like I was involved in meaningless experiences with other females BECAUSE sex played too important of a role. Therefore, that extra clarity (from abstaining) would help me see things in a better light. In other words, I won't be clouded with sexual desires. To be honest, I've never had problems separating love and lust. However, I sometimes didn't try to. Lol. Yet and still, sex has never been a threat to my self control. Most females that I've encountered, expect me to be sexually driven (or controlled) and think that because I don't immediately try to have sex with them, that I don't like them. COMPLETELY FALSE. I probably do want to "smash" (and will), but...I think that's rude...seriously.
Not only that, but I'm much more interest in what's in your head and heart. What's between your legs is pretty a dime a dozen. A pretty face is just something pleasant to look at. Both are terrible indicators in determining how good a person is.
I thought you we're supposed to get to know each other, and then take it there...if it should indeed go there. Apparently, today its 'fuck now, ask questions later'...but I digress and that's an entirely different blog.
To no surprise, since then my dating life has been stagnant. I've been on a total of two dates lol and I don't even try to approach females, anymore. Not because I'm having fun living single, but I admit to being jaded by my previous experiences which has me thinking that its probably not gonna work out like the other females.
BUT...if celibacy has taught me anything, its 1). That overall (I'm not saying this applies to everyone), my people have no idea what love is and little understanding of relationships of the opposite sex...and 2). It has made me refrain from sex unless I'm emotionally into it or really into the person I'm engaging in sex with. Personally, I feel that sex is giving as much or more than it is receiving. The connection that two people have can make it a special experience. If not, its just busting a nut...and that's cool and all but, that's not enough for me. I'm not trying to f*** every girl in the world. That's some juvenile stuff.
Love is not something that I admittedly know much about. I've never been IN love and I've only had love for one other female. She SHOULD know who she is, but she probably doesn't. With that said, I've had plenty of examples of what love ISN'T and I've seen great relationships so I've held on to the few positive examples that I have seen and that has strengthened my will to find the real thing and hold on to it.
A friend of mine told me that you can't possibly give everything to another person because you'll have nothing left. I, however, can't do it any other way. Anybody that knows me knows that if I can't put my all into what I do, its worthless and I won't do it. The same applies to relationships. I want to be able to share every aspect of my life, thoughts and ambitions with my significant other. If I can't go "all out" then its not worth it, to me.
I honestly think that if a lot of people would have the self control to stop having sex so wrecklessly, then they would benefit from it long term. But society doesn't necessarily encourage that.
Yes, bitches. I said celibate.
For how long?....ehhh.. I'm not going to say. I could say until marriage...I could say for X amount of years...but you never know what may happen. In all actuality, I could wake up tomorrow, roll over and have a Andre 3K-What-a-helluva-way-to-gotdamn-wake-up-ooh-that-shit-was-good moment LOL. But seriously, whatever the case, being celibate has put me in a new frame of mind that won't allow me
to engage in the activity, unless it means something.
I decided on celibacy for a few reasons such as safety (A-I-D-S), responsibility (K-I-D-S), etc... BUT, I went that direction, mainly for personal reasons. I felt that I needed to abstain for a while to free myself of that energy and I felt like I was involved in meaningless experiences with other females BECAUSE sex played too important of a role. Therefore, that extra clarity (from abstaining) would help me see things in a better light. In other words, I won't be clouded with sexual desires. To be honest, I've never had problems separating love and lust. However, I sometimes didn't try to. Lol. Yet and still, sex has never been a threat to my self control. Most females that I've encountered, expect me to be sexually driven (or controlled) and think that because I don't immediately try to have sex with them, that I don't like them. COMPLETELY FALSE. I probably do want to "smash" (and will), but...I think that's rude...seriously.
Not only that, but I'm much more interest in what's in your head and heart. What's between your legs is pretty a dime a dozen. A pretty face is just something pleasant to look at. Both are terrible indicators in determining how good a person is.
I thought you we're supposed to get to know each other, and then take it there...if it should indeed go there. Apparently, today its 'fuck now, ask questions later'...but I digress and that's an entirely different blog.
To no surprise, since then my dating life has been stagnant. I've been on a total of two dates lol and I don't even try to approach females, anymore. Not because I'm having fun living single, but I admit to being jaded by my previous experiences which has me thinking that its probably not gonna work out like the other females.
BUT...if celibacy has taught me anything, its 1). That overall (I'm not saying this applies to everyone), my people have no idea what love is and little understanding of relationships of the opposite sex...and 2). It has made me refrain from sex unless I'm emotionally into it or really into the person I'm engaging in sex with. Personally, I feel that sex is giving as much or more than it is receiving. The connection that two people have can make it a special experience. If not, its just busting a nut...and that's cool and all but, that's not enough for me. I'm not trying to f*** every girl in the world. That's some juvenile stuff.
Love is not something that I admittedly know much about. I've never been IN love and I've only had love for one other female. She SHOULD know who she is, but she probably doesn't. With that said, I've had plenty of examples of what love ISN'T and I've seen great relationships so I've held on to the few positive examples that I have seen and that has strengthened my will to find the real thing and hold on to it.
A friend of mine told me that you can't possibly give everything to another person because you'll have nothing left. I, however, can't do it any other way. Anybody that knows me knows that if I can't put my all into what I do, its worthless and I won't do it. The same applies to relationships. I want to be able to share every aspect of my life, thoughts and ambitions with my significant other. If I can't go "all out" then its not worth it, to me.
I honestly think that if a lot of people would have the self control to stop having sex so wrecklessly, then they would benefit from it long term. But society doesn't necessarily encourage that.
The Quarter-Life Crisis (...if that is indeed what it is...) and the Summer of 09
Recently, me and a good friend of mine were having one of our 'never-ending' conversations--I call them such because they really don't end...we just pick up from where we left off whenever the subject comes up again. ANYWAY, we were taking turns rambling about whatever was going on in our lives, and she mentioned the Quarter-Life Crisis theory along with Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development (which is interesting) but I'm not gonna get into that. For those who might not know..
Since then, I've had a couple of other friends to say that they were going through this very issue. But when I researched the topic, I analyzed the supposed definition and criteria that is supposed to be the make-up of the "crisis." It didn't fit me. Well a couple of descriptions did, but...I'm not stressed about finding a job...or confused about who, what, where I am...I'm not insecure about my goals...and I definitely do not have any interest in reliving my college years. At all.
So...I kept thinking like I always do...and to continue from the previous paragraph, college was fun. Undergrad was a ball. But undergrad was undergrad and the some things were left there. I didn't wake up on a certain day to convince myself that I can't do those things, instead, it was quite the opposite. Very often, I hear from other people that I'm relatively young (23, turning 24 in August) and that I should enjoy my youth. But nature isn't on anyone's time and I can't help that my habits have turned me into a 50 old man...Whereas in the past, I would spend my weekends on road trips, at parties, at clubs, under the influence, stretching my social imagination as far as it would go...I now would rather be home, with family or friends..or a significant other...or simply, by myself...finding my peace of mind and residing there for the night. It's some kind of feelin' when you're...
I feel like I'm a old man trapped in a young man's body. My mentality doesn't match with most people my age, so balancing a social life with others my age can be challenging. My level of fun is often gauged more by intellectual stimulation and great conversation. My interests have become more practical. My passions have become more practical. My intellectual appitite is still great--yet, my complex perspectives and evolved and in some cases, simplified.
Mentally, I'm a point where I'm ready for marriage. Things such as children, my career goals and where I eventually wanna settle at dominate my daydreams. I can't say that for most people my age. Typically, a lot of people would say that they're in their respective, youthful, prime. In my mind, I'm far from my prime--well not far, but I'm not exactly on the brink of discovery, either...I wish that I have what I'm prepared for, but history has taught me that patience will give me and understanding and appreciation that many do not have. The question, now, is..for what?
As I look outside and think about this upcoming summer, I realize that my approach to the summer has changed. Before, summer represented a period that was stress-free, fun and full of good weather. Recently, I've taken my summers as time to work on personal things about myself that, if corrected, will make me a better person...things such as exercise/health, reading more, working on bettering my academic experience, spirituality, and planning...something that never ends. Education is something that's been on my mind and I'm very interested in teaching after my degree is done and before I pursue another. I almost feel that all students should dedicate some years in life to teaching and preparing for tomorrow..but that's another blog. I'm planning big things for my department this year and I'm looking at amateur boxing as a hobby. Mental, physical and spiritual health and growth is my focus for the summer.
So, in reflection, my crisis isn't really a crisis at all. It's called maturation.
The quarterlife crisis is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the early twenties to the early thirties.
Since then, I've had a couple of other friends to say that they were going through this very issue. But when I researched the topic, I analyzed the supposed definition and criteria that is supposed to be the make-up of the "crisis." It didn't fit me. Well a couple of descriptions did, but...I'm not stressed about finding a job...or confused about who, what, where I am...I'm not insecure about my goals...and I definitely do not have any interest in reliving my college years. At all.
So...I kept thinking like I always do...and to continue from the previous paragraph, college was fun. Undergrad was a ball. But undergrad was undergrad and the some things were left there. I didn't wake up on a certain day to convince myself that I can't do those things, instead, it was quite the opposite. Very often, I hear from other people that I'm relatively young (23, turning 24 in August) and that I should enjoy my youth. But nature isn't on anyone's time and I can't help that my habits have turned me into a 50 old man...Whereas in the past, I would spend my weekends on road trips, at parties, at clubs, under the influence, stretching my social imagination as far as it would go...I now would rather be home, with family or friends..or a significant other...or simply, by myself...finding my peace of mind and residing there for the night. It's some kind of feelin' when you're...
...staring at a eight dollar cup of whatever, look up, pour your drink out, walk to your car and drive home with the volume on zero...asking yourself the same question..."Why did I waste my time?"I spend a lot of my nights reflecting, analyzing and meditating on life...of life. Sometimes, I do feel like I'm running in place, but I have to remind myself of what patience brings. Thus, my personal Quarter-Life Crisis..
...having sex and thinking..."This ain't fun...I wish she would hurry up...Oh the game is coming on, soon." No emotional connection whatsoever.
...wonder how people can play video games like they do; as if you didn't used to be in front a PlayStation for hours at at time.
...get a new phone # and never think about dialing it. For what?
...thinking that shaving is optional, because you could care less about how attractive people think you are. However, just a couple years ago, you swore that you were the "freshest nigga in the country," rockin shades at night when you know you have bad eyesight...and I'm not a "nigga"
***I could keep going, but you should get my point.
I feel like I'm a old man trapped in a young man's body. My mentality doesn't match with most people my age, so balancing a social life with others my age can be challenging. My level of fun is often gauged more by intellectual stimulation and great conversation. My interests have become more practical. My passions have become more practical. My intellectual appitite is still great--yet, my complex perspectives and evolved and in some cases, simplified.
Mentally, I'm a point where I'm ready for marriage. Things such as children, my career goals and where I eventually wanna settle at dominate my daydreams. I can't say that for most people my age. Typically, a lot of people would say that they're in their respective, youthful, prime. In my mind, I'm far from my prime--well not far, but I'm not exactly on the brink of discovery, either...I wish that I have what I'm prepared for, but history has taught me that patience will give me and understanding and appreciation that many do not have. The question, now, is..for what?
As I look outside and think about this upcoming summer, I realize that my approach to the summer has changed. Before, summer represented a period that was stress-free, fun and full of good weather. Recently, I've taken my summers as time to work on personal things about myself that, if corrected, will make me a better person...things such as exercise/health, reading more, working on bettering my academic experience, spirituality, and planning...something that never ends. Education is something that's been on my mind and I'm very interested in teaching after my degree is done and before I pursue another. I almost feel that all students should dedicate some years in life to teaching and preparing for tomorrow..but that's another blog. I'm planning big things for my department this year and I'm looking at amateur boxing as a hobby. Mental, physical and spiritual health and growth is my focus for the summer.
So, in reflection, my crisis isn't really a crisis at all. It's called maturation.
The Quintessential Introductory Blog
As my first blog entry, I'll give a little background light. This is probably why it has taken me three weeks to post this, but hey...I've settled on this small introduction to the man behind the keyboard and my first official post afterwards...
*****
Recently, I remember reading about one of my favorite comedians, the late Bernie Mac. In the particular article, the author noted that he used to say,"I walk alone."It's a simple phrase--nothing too philosophical at all. I walk alone. Now, many people might take that as an admission to being a loner...or an elitist or arrogant statement. But, personally, the words struck a chord in a different tune. It meant that he was an individual. A true individual. As a black man, one of the hardest things to do is to be an individual---especially in a world in which the "powers-that-be" prefers to keep everyone mentally and socially sedated in a society that discourages deviating from the collective norms. I personally don't think individuality has anything to do with appearance--Piercings, tattoos, eccentric (compared to society) styles, etc. none of that means anything. Physical appearance is meaningless in reference to a person's character and personality, yet, people are swift use such to form judgment on another. I liken appearance more to art than anything else (But that's another post) .Growing up, I never had role models. I never wanted to be like anyone. I wanted to be myself and remain true to who I am. Fortunately, I learned that at a young age and If a person ever has trouble understanding anything about me, understand that I'm an individual.
*****
Recently, I remember reading about one of my favorite comedians, the late Bernie Mac. In the particular article, the author noted that he used to say,"I walk alone."It's a simple phrase--nothing too philosophical at all. I walk alone. Now, many people might take that as an admission to being a loner...or an elitist or arrogant statement. But, personally, the words struck a chord in a different tune. It meant that he was an individual. A true individual. As a black man, one of the hardest things to do is to be an individual---especially in a world in which the "powers-that-be" prefers to keep everyone mentally and socially sedated in a society that discourages deviating from the collective norms. I personally don't think individuality has anything to do with appearance--Piercings, tattoos, eccentric (compared to society) styles, etc. none of that means anything. Physical appearance is meaningless in reference to a person's character and personality, yet, people are swift use such to form judgment on another. I liken appearance more to art than anything else (But that's another post) .Growing up, I never had role models. I never wanted to be like anyone. I wanted to be myself and remain true to who I am. Fortunately, I learned that at a young age and If a person ever has trouble understanding anything about me, understand that I'm an individual.